I came across an article today from EliteDaily.com titled, "Bad Things Don't Happen To Good People, Bad Things Create Good People."
Wow, way to give it all away right away. Regardless, I decided to skim through the article to see what it had to offer.
It began with a heart-warming introduction about what makes a person good, how experiences in life shapes people, yadda yadda yadda. It continued with a list of reasons why/how bad things create good people and ended with the cliche, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" quote. I absolutely lost it.
Yes, I believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Yes, I can appreciate the optimistic approach this author had when writing this piece, because I like to think of myself as an optimistic person. But what I could not get on board with was the complete and total disregard for the fact that when bad things happen, people are impacted. And it's tough. I want to take a look at what the author had to say about when bad things happen, and fill in the holes they neglected to acknowledge.
"Accidents don't deter good people; they reinvent them."
I'm not even entirely sure what the author meant by "accidents" or how they would define them. It makes it difficult to analyze this assertion, but I digress.
"Rejection doesn't make them hard and cold; it makes them appreciative and grateful."
I've faced my fair share of rejection; academically, romantically, socially, professionally-- and I'm sure many people can relate. We all face rejection at some point in some regard. And I would be incredibly surprised to meet someone who didn't feel a little bitter after the fact. Of course it sucks. It's discouraging, it feels like a personal jab, and it takes a toll on confidence. The author continued on to say, "So what if someone rejects you? Who f*cking cares?" I have to stop it right there, because you know who cares? I do. And so does that person who got rejected. And that person. The victim cares, and it's just wrong to negate that.
"Toxic relationships don't poison them; they make them immune to bulls*t"
I have such an issue with this one. I have witnessed the impact of toxic relationships on people. I was involved in a relationship that turned incredibly toxic, and it was poisoning. It influenced the way I conducted myself in relationships afterward, how I felt about myself, how I viewed relationships in general. Being involved in a toxic relationship bruises the psyche in a daunting way and it's ignorant to ignore it.
"Failure doesn't frustrate them; it motivates them."
I don't want to make assumptions as to whether or not this author has failed something before. However, I'd be incredibly surprised to meet someone who just received an F on an exam or project that wasn't pissed. Putting the effort into producing a product or studying only to receive a failing grade in return is frustrating as all hell. Time feels wasted, effort seems unappreciated, confidence dwindles. Failure sucks.
"Mistakes don't break them; they teach them."
Similar to the point on accidents, "mistakes" is undefined and incredibly vague. The severity of a given mistake is largely dependent on a variety of factors, but in the most serious of interpretations, mistakes are crushing. Sometimes they require something as simple as an apology, but even in that sense, one must consider the person or people who were impacted by said mistake. Maybe they don't want to accept the apology, then what? Relationships can crumble at the hand of one's mistake, and that thought is terrifying.
"Losing someone doesn't make them question life; it makes them live it up."
I'm going to confidently make the assumption that everyone reading this has lost someone at some point in their life. If so, you might agree that there are few words to accurately describe the pain and heartache that death inflicts. When my close friend passed away in a car accident when she was 15, I couldn't help but question life. All I could/can think about are the why's- Why them? Why a car accident? Why so young? Why my friend? Of course, you question life. Because life, and death, are complex. I believe it's part of the mourning process, and that's okay.
"Hitting rock bottom doesn't make them give up; it makes them work harder."
To lighten this up a bit, I'll refer to one of my favorite movies- Bridesmaids. If you haven't seen it, please do because it's hysterical. But to sum it up- girl has sh*tty job, sh*tty living situation, sh*tty love life, you name it. When her best friend gets engaged and asks her to be her maid of honor, another chick comes in and tries to take her place and "steal her bff." Things escalated and eventually, the main character loses her job, gets kicked out of her apartment, is totally screwed over by the guy she liked, and was revoked from her duty as maid of honor. She spirals into a depressive slump and finds difficult in pulling herself out. Rock bottom is not pretty, and it's completely discouraging.
"Suffering doesn't defeat them; it teaches them what's worth fighting for."
The author doesn't specify what kind of suffering they are referring to, which makes it difficult to analyze their thought. However, suffering is powerful and complex. Getting through tough times is challenging, and the most severe cases of suffering can be difficult to overcome based on a variety of circumstantial variables.
"Breaking up doesn't make them lose faith in love; it makes them look for something better."
I experienced a nasty break-up during the beginning of my freshman year of college. It was my high school sweetheart and, while I was young and naive, I saw a future with them. When things ended, I became bitter and discouraged at the thought of love. I was heartbroken, I felt betrayed, and I wasn't sure how to go on. Even when it's a mutual break up, it's difficult to imagine ever feeling that type of way again, or to have faith in the relationships all around.
"Betrayal doesn't make them trust other people less; it makes them trust themselves more."
Sorry I'm not sorry, but what kind of person doesn't have a tainted perception of trust after being betrayed? Betrayal, as I understand it, is intentional. An accidental screw-up that causes someone pain is one thing; an intentional screw-up, a betrayal, is another. Moving on after a betrayal is difficult; you find it difficult to trust others and yourself. Betrayal seems so easy for some people to carry out, to disguise as sincerity. How can we be sure we're not being fooled?
"Being alone doesn't make them lonely; it helps them figure out who they are."
Loneliness can be painful. Looking beside you and realizing no one is there, that you're alone, can be extremely devastating. It becomes difficult to reach out for fear of bothering others, or of rejection. There's a dire thirst for interaction and for affection because often times, we find ourselves through out interactions with others, through conversation and discussion.
I felt extremely compelled to address the points in this article because they're things we have to consider. We can't overlook the hardship that people go through when bad things happen. Their feelings are real, the hurt is real, the struggle is real. It's completely insensitive to act like these emotions and experiences aren't real, because we've all felt them at some point, or will in the future.
I realize my critique was a bit harsh, so I want to clear the air- like I said, I appreciate the optimism the author had. I know they wrote this with good intentions. And to be quite honest, I agree with almost everything they said in regard to how these bad things make good people. My only real critique, I suppose, then, is that there needs to be recognition of the time it takes to overcome these obstacles. It's not a quick or easy process. It takes time and support. Given time, yes, bad things do make good people.
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